Hello! My name is Clare.
I run a Tumblr page that has enabled me to help others as well as myself cope with having a partner that is far away.
I share some of my journeys with you and fun(ny) ways on how to, "Survive The Distance."
From ways to talk to your peers and have them take your relationship seriously,to hard breakups.
My boyfriend, and half of my heart resides in Mobile, Alabama while I live in Saint Louis, MO.
So lovebirds, I’m officially married to the best man ever.
HOWEVER,
Everything that we expected to go right went completely wrong.
The original plan was to get married at the minister’s house with a small, intimate ceremony and then to later go to the beach and meetup with family and friends.
Unfortunately there was a car accident or something and it lead us to be in an hour’s worth of traffic. Don’t forget to add the fickled rain that Alabama likes to bring…
But between those two factors, we were unable to get to our ceremony in time. We informed the minister about two hours ahead of time that we may have been late getting there. So once we let him know about the traffic and everything, he was pretty cool about it! My now husband had called him since I was panicking and my cell had died, and the minister was kind enough to marry us at the beach like we both always wanted instead!
Weeks before all of this was taking place, we both teased that the other would cry during the ceremony!I had talked SO MUCH crap. I kept saying how he would be the first to crack and etc. Lo and behold, I cracked first. I was so embarrassed! But I wasn't ashamed to show my feelings for once. He ended up crying too but only I could see it. I was so mad. lol
Afterwards we were able to take a few nice photos thanks to our family!
Little did we know though that during this entire ceremony, there were two rainbows in the sky!
I mean it was amazing! The sun was setting, the waves crashed, the wind blew furiously and we had many loved ones there that meant a load to us.
I mean there’s more to the story, but I’m far too lazy to really go into it at the moment. I might make a video to go a bit more into detail later.
We still have a long way to go in our journey together, but every single effort we make together has been worth it. I can’t wait to share more of our milestones together as we reach them.
So on one bad day a few weeks back... Paul and bumped heads over Lord knows what and we just gave each other space and the silent treatment for a while. I was huffing and puffing for a good little bit, and decided to remind myself why on earth my crazy behind fell in love with his crazy behind.
This was the outcome in less than I want to say...10 minutes?
So with that being said I HAVE A CHALLENGE FOR YOU LOVERS OUT THERE!!!
Know how you get mad at your loved one at times and get so irritated that you wonder how in the heck you two ever went without bumping heads when you first met? Well here's nice little thing to do while you're burning your death stares into the back of their head.
Write down a list, however many come to your mind, of reasons on why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Here's the catch though, you only have 10 minutes.
See how many you can come up with! I came up with 68!
Reasons Why I Fell For You
(In ten minutes or less)
You get me when no one else does
You remind me of my father
You know how to make me laugh, even when I'm mad at you
You are so affectionate at the most random times
...You never give up...
You love God
I just feel better when attending church with you
You helped me get through my miscarriage
My mother and grandmother actually LIKE YOU
My DAD actually likes you
DOMINIQUE ACTUALLY LIKES YOU!! He never likes anyone I date
The children love you to pieces
...We had a child together...
How affectionate and loving you were to me while I was pregnant...
You help me clean
You clean when I don't
You do the dishes without me asking
You take care of the kids needs most of the time without me asking
When you cook I've never been disappointed
You always appreciate my cooking even when it's something you're not fond about
You appreciate the little things
I love how much of a kid you turn to around my children and others
I love your sister as my own
I love your mom as my own
You've made me feel welcome with your family and friends
You blend in well with my family and friends
I fall in love with you all over again when you smile at me in dim lighting
I love the color of your eyes
Your scruffy beard
Your face when it's shaved
How you smell. Even when you don't smell your best.
I'm not grossed about by your feet unless they stink
You've always taken care of me when I get sick
SOMETIMES when you nag at me, I need to actually hear it
Even though it might TAKE you a while to do so, you apologize when you're at fault probably more than I do.
I love your broad shoulders
Your round belly
Your nose
I dig how hairy you are even though I hate hairy men normally.
You actually have decent teeth. Not messed up ones.
You've actually smoked less at TIMES for my own sake.
You play cards and game with me
You actually have rhythm and always laugh or are humored when you dance
Even when you annoy the CRAP out of me almost always do I find myself laughing
You refused to give up on me when I was more interested in someone else when we first met
Even though you sounded insane, you didn't make me feel uncomfortable when you basically told me you fell in love at first sight.
How FAST we connected just talking in those first few comments on facebook.
How FAST we connected when we started talking on the phone.
How quickly I grew to have feelings for you when I at first didn't.
How I actually fell for your personality before your looks.
I love your laugh. It reminds me of Seth Rogen's.
I love how soft your hair is when it grows out a little and I run my hands through it.
Your snores are loud...TERRIBLY so...but I can hardly sleep without hearing them.
You randomly hold me in your sleep and give me kisses smiling
You never let me talk about how ugly I am.
You're ambitious.
You always look at the future with a positive mindset
I love that at times I can randomly jam with you in a car.
I actually believe that stupid saying that I am in love with my best friend.
Even though you slip at times with me, you truly do respect women in general.
You ALWAYS treat little old ladies respectfully and as if they're your grandma.
Your southern accent.
How you fuss about the silliest things like the ice tray not being filled and unfilled the way you like it.
How passionate you are over football...even when you get slightly annoying talking about it so much.
Your drive to be a good stepfather despite your fears.
It's the main reason that I haven't posted in awhile. My fiance fortunately has been here to help me for the past few months and we were both devastated when we went in all excited to the doctor's office just to get such devastating news.
For a while our grieving got the best of us. But through prayer, and persistence we have overcame the pain that we felt and have become even stronger for it.
We don't know why God had other plans for our little one, only that there is nothing that we can do about it but to find peace.
It has been almost two months since that day, and several weeks since I had the surgery and the closure that I so desperately needed.
Now we're focused on moving in together for good in the next few months, enjoying the last three weeks that we have together, and being grateful for the little ones that we already have in our lives.
I'll be back to answering messages and questions soon. I've been more active on the facebook page lately, so if you need any assistance, me and my other admins will help assist you there.
In case I am too busy with work and don't get back here before the end of the holidays, Happy New Year!
I hope that any of you that have loved ones overseas that are serving our or your country are safe this holiday season and I thank them for their service even if they are not protecting my rights as well!
I've been working on this for the past several months.
So many people look at long distance relationships and laugh at them. Thinking that they can't be taken seriously. That it's nothing but cheating and lies involved...But that's not always the case.
I was asked to post a video anonymously by several followers on Tumblr (even though I was planning to make it but just keep it private) and well? Here it is.
The purpose of this video is for you to experience my journey with me. As well as feel the joys and also the pain that many others feel when being in an LDR. It's worth it...For the right person, Sorry it's so long.
It's a surprise for my boyfriend/fiance. :) He's about to surprise me, so I wanted to show him his surprise first,
Ah the beauties of love. One moment you can be infatuated with a person, and then the next want to body slam them like you see wrestlers do on WWE. Of course not too much later you both settle your differences and kiss and make up!
But us long distance couples? We don't get that luxury. We don't get to hug our loved one after a big fight. We don't get to kiss them and apologize or chase after someone when they're ready to walk away. All we have is a phone or skype call that can go unanswered if our partner is upset enough, or just an emote of a stupid damn kissy face to send our love when they forgive us for being a jerk.
So yes, I get it. It sucks. I can not tell you how many times I have wanted to touch the face of my boyfriend through my computer screen, just to be reminded that I cannot do so. Not to mention that my computer is touch screen, so if I try touching his face, I could end up accidentally hanging up the call! lol Which doesn't help at all.
Luckily I have had the luxury of getting to close the distance for a short period of time. FINALLY making that big meetup. Seeing them at the airport, train or bus station. I'll never forget how shy I was when I saw Paul in the bus station. I was so excited but so nervous. Like part of me wanted to run up and hug him but I just couldn't do it. I was too scared too. lol But he came up to me and when he hugged me....GOD it felt so great. I learned that he was taller than me, how his hair felt in my hands, and the smell of his skin.
(Which I found to be mighty glorious!)
I know many others haven't gotten to do this yet, and it can be very frustrating. Heck, I am frustrated now just thinking about it. I want more of my boyfriend. More time. More hugs, kisses, cuddling, laughs. I want it all. Which can leave you feeling all kinds of ways depending on what is going on between the two of you at the time. So I'm going to try to list some of those emotions, also explain why you may be feeling them, and break them down to the best of my ability to help you hopefully lift some of those negative feelings off of your shoulders.
1. Jealousy
It is very easy to feel this. Know that girl or guy that you swear always hangs around your love? Yeah, we usually all have one. And although we're glad that they have that best buddy of all time, admit it. You hate it for several reasons. One, it isn't you. Two, it's the opposite sex...and it should be you.
Three you bet your left butt cheek that they might have feelings for your boyfriend or girlfriend.
....But that's not always the case! A lot of the times it's just your imagination. (Will get to that one later) And you are envious of anyone and even any THING that is around them because it isn't you. They get to be in your partner's world while you're far away and out of arm's reach from them.
Getting upset won't get you anywhere. You know this. But recognizing that is why you are for the most time jealous does help when the feeling begins to swell. Don't get upset when your boyfriend is out and about with their friends. Trust me, they're thinking about you just as much as you are thinking about them.
Plus it isn't fair to make them feel bad for having a good time out with their family or friends. You don't want to try and control them. Even if they let you, it's very unhealthy and detrimental to the relationship. (My ex did this to me when I was being catfished for two years, and to this day I have trouble leaving my home because I get anxious. Never felt that way before I had began to date him).
So please when I say take my words for it, I mean it for that. In it's own way it's a form of abuse and it's highly manipulative.
2. Worrying about being OVER-Affectionate
Okay so I'm guilty of this. Get so lonely while they are sleeping or at work that you start to go through their old facebook posts? Liking every photo of them? Posting multiple loving and funny things on their wall in one day? Yeah... We've all most likely been there once in our lives. Most of the times our boyfriends (or girlfriends) don't really care and enjoy the fact that they can see you've been missing them as much as they've been missing you! Thing is....Notifications are usually a pain in the arse. lol
But to be more precise, have you ever felt like you're doing more of the phone calls and messaging? Do you think you're overdoing it? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. When we get that amazing person in our lives, we're often afraid of losing them. Losing their interest to be more exact.
I can not tell you how many times I have to be reassured by my boyfriend that I'm not blowing up his phone. lol But if you worry about this, just talk to your partner. Communication as you already know is a seriously big factor on keeping a long distance relationship healthy!
3. Aggression (Being Territorial)
...SOOO you know how we talked about friends that you may suspect have feelings for your partner?
I'm talking about those particular..FELINES, that just LOVE leaving those stupid winky face emotes on your boyfriend's photos. Or leave hearts on their walls.
So there can be a few ways where this feeling of defending your dinner plate (in my case) can be justified, but also where it can be wrong as well. I'll start with how it can be wrong first. Because I'm sure you guys will just love that! Especially if you're guilty of it!
It could be their relatives!! Most of us all have that one favorite cousin on facebook that we feel should have been conjoined to you at birth. So sometimes the younger cousins like to remind their older one (your partner) how much they love and miss them! Not a big deal! So it is wise NOT to flip before finding out more about the person who's posting all these affectionate emotes on their page.
Their friends could be playing around with themI am always threatening to fight my boyfriend's best friends. They're guys and claim that they are in a relationship. lol But I mean guy or girls, it might just be the kind of relationship they have with that friend! I have one homegirl that I jokingly call my baby daddy. When my boyfriend first heard this, he was like, "What the!?" So yes. Don't freak out immediately. If all fails. Ask. It doesn't hurt to talk to your partner about anything that has you feeling a bit uncomfortable.
DON'T GO OFF ON THE PERSON IMMEDIATELY! Again, it could be their relative....but sometimes it isn't. Your partner is a big boy or a big girl! Let them handle it! Most will! If they don't, don't take that badly either! SOMETIMES it's because they are trying to keep the peace on their page. Like I know I hate seeing my friends on my facebook with opposing views bump heads on any of my posts. I've had to play referee several times in the past and it's quite stressful and exhausting. Plus you want to be classy and not trashy. There is no need to fly off the handle and threaten to throw down on an individual through your computer. More than likely you don't live in the same state as them. So how the heck are you going to even do all of the things you are threatening huh? Don't waste your fingerpower.
Now there are times when those people KNOW that you're in a relationship, and are completely disrespectful regarding it. Whether they're inboxing your partner and your partner tells you, or they're talking about you and saying that they can do much better. I will most definitely agree with you that these are times where you have the right to go off. Yeah it's better to not say anything at all at times or not lose your cool, but we're only human and our patience can only stretch so far. So to give you a few better examples:
When they are leaving sexual comments on their posts I just experienced this with a female on my boyfriend's page. And to defend my retort at her ignorance, my boyfriend later mentioned to this girl that she DID like ALL of his pictures and posts that had me and him together and clearly stated as a couple. The girl pretended that she didn't know. Yeah I called bull and told her to keep it classy instead of going off on her like I truly wanted to.
STUPID HEARTS BEING POSTED ON THEIR WALLS If they know you're in a relationship with that person and they're still doing this? It may be time to ask what that's all about and hopefully your partner will see what's up. Because if not? Oh yeah, it's time to crack down on that REAL fast.
Them calling your partner at late hours of the night There's this one girl that has the hots for my boyfriend, and I don't know what it is but she just won't take rejection for anything. I mean he's not even her friend on facebook anymore, nor does he even have this chick's number. Yet lo and behold she texted and called him while we were watching a movie at nearly one in the morning. I answered because he had asked me to since he was busy doing something...can't remember, and the phone number wasn't recognizable. She had an attitude and was all stank. I didn't even go off. I just hung up on her. But I know many others that would have flown off the handle. I don't have time to go off on people that late at night. (Plus the movie was good. LOL)
Unless you suspect your partner of cheating on you and they're incredibly flirtatious, it's truly pointless to even have any online drama with a stranger. Just take a deep breath and let it go. It makes you the bigger person, and far more mature.
You gotta WOO-SAH people! Don't be known as his crazy gf/old lady! (What my boyfriend calls me sometimes) You could potentially lose cool points with his friends and family. And although some people could care less if their family or friends like you, it is still quite important because it can have serious pressure and effects on your relationship if they dislike you.
My ex husband's family disliked me greatly. Very few actually did. So it felt quite lonely not really getting that sisterly bond with my sister in laws, and having that second mother that you're supposed to get when you're married.
My boyfriend's family and friends absolutely love me. Even his goddaughter. And it felt so relieving getting their approval.
Just today I got to finally talk to his mother regarding Paul. It made me feel nice to feel connected and that they took my part in his life serious enough to be contacted. It really made me feel like I was included in things.
Plus I gained new friends and family out of all of this. It makes the relationship go more smoothly, and they will go out of their way to help you when you and your partner may not see eye to eye and have an argument. (Had that experience when I was down there one day) It truly makes a great and positive difference to have more of a support system. Plus your friends and their friends can help explain things about your partner that you have yet to understand.
So don't burn your bridges folks! Unless you don't have any other option but to!
4. Lonely (Depressed, sad, etc)
This is a very common one and it's very obvious as to why. You want to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You can't help it. But there are many reasons that you could be feeling the way you are.
From waiting for that time to go by without an exact date on when you'll either meet, or temporarily close the distance once more with your partner. It's bittersweet to know that you are not alone when you communicate with other long distance couples and that you share some of the same feelings.
Feeling Lonely? We all get that feeling sometimes. It's like our best friend just dumped us and someone behind you is carrying around a stereo loudly blaring, "All by myself," by Eric Carmen or Alicia Keys' "No One." They may go out more than you, or it seems like they are always around their friends while you're just sitting at home with a DELICIOUS yet depressing little tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice cream...Plus snuggling up to your cat named Sprinkles as you find something to watch on Netflix doing your best to avoid anymore romance flicks or other movies that have some sort of love tied into the storyline. Because Lord KNOWS that's not what you want to see right now and it's only going to depress you further and want to sob uncontrollably like a big cry-baby.Keeping yourself busy is the best recommendation.I have ten other ideas listed in my previous blog, so I will list a few others:
Pray Meditation and prayer if you have faith such as myself, can help be a serious reliever when being down. There are many perks to your everyday health doing these things. Supposedly your immunity can increase, you'll have more emotional balance, and it can help lower your blood pressure. I'm sure many of us could benefit from these sorts of things!
Seek A Therapist/Doctor For Help I have actually been diagnosed with depression and anxiety way before I met Paul. There have unfortunately been situations in my life that most likely contributed to this, but that's something to discuss at another time. Paul unfortunately has gone through some of the same pain in life as I have, and then some. So it came to no surprise to me that he is manic bipolar. Sometimes no matter what you do is enough to console how you may feel. Seeking help is VERY important if you think you're possibly depressed and feel alone in this world. Because you're not. You are loved by at LEAST one person. And I'll tell you now. I don't care who you are, I love you, and you're important. Medication is useful to help cope with your feelings. As well as meditation and getting a therapist. So if you feel suicidal, please seek help immediately. Below are a few sources that can help you.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
http://psychcentral.com/lib/telephone-hotlines-and-help-lines/000173
Get A Support System Tumblr has been one of the biggest perks when it comes to this. There are many long distance relationship blogs on Tumblr. There are long distance facebook pages as well as YouTube channels that show success stories and other sorts of advice!
Makes Plans With Your Partner I cannot even tell you how much making plans with your partner can make your outlook on your relationship seem less depressing. When I was dating my ex husband, with him being a catfish he would constantly put back the idea of him and I ever meeting in person. It would get to me constantly until I finally flipped my wig. (Literally) After two whole years of waiting. Obviously when getting into a relationship with my now boyfriend, that waiting period just wasn't going to do it for me. Especially because I felt highly insecure at the idea of getting into another long distance relationship. Talk about the things that you guys want to do when you guys meet each other! Paul and I made a list of things we'd like to do when he came to visit me, and another for when I went to go visit him. It was actually quite fun getting to check those things off. (Especially some of the ones we did at the beach *evil laughter*) But ANYWHO! LOL *cough!*
Find Music To Listen To Preferably not depressing music, but whatever helps you feel better is all that matters. I'm always looking for ways to keep me level-headed when I am feeling down. Strangely, depressing music usually makes me happy and uplifting music makes me depressed. But either way, listen to music that'll help vent out your frustrations, sad nor anger. Which leads me to my next feeling.
5. AngerThis can be a very common one as well. I will confess that while writing the column for being lonely the other day, I got angry with my boyfriend. Hey, just being honest and real here. Not trying to portray myself as some perfect relationship guru, because I am not.
So I figured I'd give my experience for an example. There are times where you and your partner may both be very busy. Being distant from each other does not help with you two having time together, nor does it boost your feelings when you think about it.
Or how about the fact that you're incredibly overwhelmed with your own life problems? For example, he and I are trying to close the distance between us in a matter of months. Unfortunately, we just discovered that a legal situation for him will prevent him from moving to Missouri or my children and I moving there until next year. It's been a huge weight on the both of us and we are both hurt. We both have finances that we're struggling with, there's family drama on both of our ends for various reasons, and friends have been lost for both of us as well lately. It's been a rough past three weeks which is why it's taken me so long to write this dang column and why it's been late!
Not to mention that I live in Saint Louis, Missouri. The place of all of these chaotic riots between protestors and police officers and now National Guard. Everyone is on edge and everyone has opposing views on what is right and wrong ever since the unfortunate and unjustifiable death of Michael Brown.
Michael Brown was a child that was shot down too many times to count and had his body left out on the street for several unnecessary hours.
Some feel it was most definitely police brutality because he surrendered and was still shot down by an officer. Others think that it was racially motivated and other ignorant things that I refuse to even mention because repeating them I feel would only undermine my intelligence and humanity.
There's been lootings, rioting, and even buildings being burned down.
This place has gone mad and I've been staying behind closed doors with my children and praying for the officers AND the protesters. I want no one hurt and I want justice to be served for that child's family.
I won't put my personal opinion in on that. Perhaps another post but not this one, except for this:
It's WRONG vs RIGHT. NOT BLACK vs WHITE!
Violence and hostility are not the answer. ESPECIALLY stealing and vandalism.
Videos of his lifeless body have been passed around all over facebook and twitter, and innocent people amongst the protestors or the businesses that were looted were attacked and harmed. It's just been a terrible situation down here.
So please I ask, pray for my hometown and city. Please pray for his family and friends. Things are escalating quite badly here and seeing us on the national news is beginning to make me feel like we're in another country's warzone instead of America...
I mean it's nice to see your city on the news for good things. Such as Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL draftee. He became a big thing! Or someone I knew of from high school actually got DRAFTED into a team this year! Good things! It hurts to see things like this on my news feed...But to see another life taken, and others so angry..It is saddening.
A little before and during this huge moment in history, he and I have probably hit our biggest brick wall and amount of fights than we've ever had in our entire relationship. Which hasn't been comforting to us at all. We've been worried about the other, but also snappy because we're usually who the other vents to. And since we usually balance each other out on just about everything, when we can't cheer the other up, it's very unsettling.
So it was hard for me to write this section for quite some time until he and I got everything out on the table and FINALLY stopped stressing even if it's just for a moment.
So the suggestions that I am giving you, I have just recently had to exercise myself and use.
When They Don't Follow Through On A Promise Or PlanPaul and I have been trying to make time for each other left and right, but it's become very hard to fit our time with each other lately. You can only keep yourself busy for so long before you begin to feel anxious and start to break. Thing is, point blank...Sh*t happens. There are going to be times where that scheduled skype date is going to be ruined because a loved one passes away. A last minute job interview comes into chance. A car breaks down, a night out with friends is available. Things happen and they are beyond yours and their control. Voicing your disappointment and concern about having time together is one thing, but to get angry like I had about a week ago will do nothing but cause you both more problems.
Not Seeing Eye-To-EyeObviously this is a very common one. You need to respect each other. Snapping at each other is bound to happen between the two of you every now and again. I have an issue with cutting everyone off when debating with someone at times. Surprisingly, the person I do it least to but still do it to is Paul. He gets very irritated when I do so and just like everyone else, feels that I don't care what he has to say. Don't repeat my mistakes. I think my anxiety still plays a great part in my lack of patience, but it's still inexcusable and I have to exercise my listening skills more. But don't hang up on them, call them out of their names or anything along those lines. Do unto others as you want done unto you. Over the past few months, my listening and interruption when another person speaks has improved drastically. So don't be so quick to flip, and listen to what they have to say before flying off the handle with your partner.
You're Stressed You don't have them to vent to at the moment. You are just overwhelmed and have no one else to take it out on. Sometimes the hostility you are feeling towards your partner is undeserved if this is the case.
In the end it's all about communication. Try to keep your emotions in check and think within reason. Being angry doesn't always resolve anything. Try to stay calm and reserved. Don't lash out at your partner, it hurts!
6. Insecure/Paranoid
We all get to that point in our relationship, where we wonder if we can TRULY trust our partner.
When you get that uncertain feeling in the pit of your stomach on if they are actually being loyal or not.
Thinking that they could lose interest in you, or are cheating on you. Flirting with someone else, Being hit on by their friend. Questioning if they're telling you the truth about where they are REALLY going because you of course would never truly know since you live MANY many miles away!
It's hard to really get over these fears.
My ex husband ironically told me years ago when he and I were dating,
Without trust, there cannot be love. And without love, there cannot be trust.
Crazy as it is, it's the one thing that I've still kept and held on to since he and I have separated. I agree with it. Think about it. If you can't trust your partner, what use is it in being with them!? If they've given you their facebook password, their cell phone traffic and whatever crazy thing you've requested and you're still flipping out. Then maybe you just don't need to be in a relationship right now. I won't lie, my ex husband ended up cheating on me more than ANY person I've ever dated while he and I were long distance. But the reason it lasted as long as it had is because I had put my trust in the wrong person. He didn't deserve my trust.
I'm sure some of you have experienced that and most definitely don't want to be betrayed again.
But that's the thing about love. You have to take a plunge and when you fall, have to wish for the best outcome. You can't do that if you're too busy standing over the cliff and constantly wondering what's at the bottom of it. Either do it or don't.
Now if people are running up to you and telling you things that make your partner's loyalty to you questionable? That's a whole different story that I'll address at another time. But then you have a right to feel that way. And if that is the case, it's time to have a good sitdown with them and see what's up.
Just recently an ex friend of my boyfriend's just tried to turn me against my own boyfriend by coming up with something just like what I mentioned. Something questionable about his loyalty just because she was angry with him. I didn't fly off of the handle whatsoever. I talked to him. And obviously as you see we are still together. Not everyone is on your side. And they will try to break a good thing if you let them. So always take into account what you may HEAR from others, but don't take it to heart or even seriously until you sit and talk with your partner.
Communication is key. Trust is key. It will be hard to give, but once you think they deserve it don't take it back unless they give you a very justifiable reason to do so. Cheating, lying, etc.
Well with that being said I am exhausted and I again apologize that it took me so long to post this article. It's been a very interesting past two weeks. I'll post another article soon and I hope I helped at least one person that reads this. Until again.
It's hard to go from doing the usual talking every day that you once had when getting into the relationship, and then barely having time for each other.
I am a full time mother, student, and employee.
On top of that I'm a pet owner and have a home of my own too so you can imagine...
But then I have this AMAZING guy that comes into my life!
We would text each other every single day that we could! When we had to get off of the phone for things that we needed to take care of like our families and homes, you best believe we'd text each other. What baffles me still to this day is that he and I have yet to really get sick of each other. Mind you we have spent a total of three weeks together in person this past summer. But we have been dating online for months now. We never tire of each other's company.
....So when one of you gets a job, or in my case he gets one full time job and I get two part time jobs...
It makes life harder. So much harder.
The biggest Superman Statue you'll ever find in the U.S!
The Tardis actually lit up and yes that is the ACTUAL Ace!
I haven't started my new jobs just yet. I will be soon. I was basically on a mini-vacation since May. My boyfriend had spent two awesome weeks with me. After he had left I had went to Metropolis, Illinois for the annual Superman festival. So although I was a wreck when he left, I also was busy not even 48 hours later. By the time I had gotten back home, he was able to Skype me. So I wasn't too miserable.
But here it is this time I was the one visiting him, and while I was there, he had to work every single day that I was there with the exception of the day that I had left to go back home, and the weekend. Every moment was treasured, but it was a bit sucky because that had cut into our time together big time.
So when I left, I was really bummed. Although the time I had with him and his friends was absolutely awesome. Was taught how to play beer pong, nearly cannonballed in the beach, had my first taste of knockoff moonshine and four lokos. lol It was a nice temporary release.
But lately he's been so swamped with work and other obligations, that I have barely had time to talk to him. So here I am sitting and wondering what the heck I could do instead of moping and feeling sorry for myself. And I have a few ideas that I'd like to share and pass to you!
(Because right after I do so I'm cleaning or gaming to keep my mind off of him!)
Game
I cannot TELL you how many times my Xbox 360 has saved my life! Plus my friends obviously. It seems to be common for me and probably some of you all, that you haven't caught up with some of your buddies. Gaming brings anybody together! (Well just about) Take a day off and kick back! Release some of that sexual frustration you may be having by lighting some random opponent on GTA V on fire! (Don't ask) Either way it's a good outlet.
Read
Books are another great way to escape the everyday world! I'm currently finishing up the last hundred pages of Beautiful Creatures! (And let me tell you the book and movie are COMPLETELY different!) And then it'll be on to The Fault In Our Stars before I decide to watch the movie later when it's most likely on Blu Ray. I have already decided though that I will be taking a break from Romance novels after that book though because it's had me all sad missing my boyfriend. lol So I recommend perhaps a horror novel! (Scott Sigler is GREAT for that!) Or whatever keeps your interest but also keeps you from thinking too much about your loved one.
Write Or Draw
So of course this won't exactly make your mind stop from being sad, but it'll help release SO much of that anxiety that is probably swelling in your chest as well as sadness. Like I'm feeling right now...(Gotta get on my Xbox soon) You know all of those incredibly cheesy and soppy quotes that I post that I've actually made myself? I write those when I'm highly emotional. So if you've ever wondered if I was reading Twilight and all of the soppiness just poured out of me? Nope! Just poured my feelings out on paper or better yet on my laptop! Be it a diary or a poem, write it out. It helps trust me.
Exercise
So I am turning into a pretty big health nut. I've been counting my calories and doing at the least forty-five minutes of Zumba daily. You're doing something very productive as well as getting or staying in shape! Nothing wrong with that whatsoever!(Plus you'll probably be too busy trying to get a breath of air into your lungs to focus too much on being sad...) But you'll also feel better about yourself.
Shower I have generalized anxiety. So when those fears or painful memories or upsetting emotions start rolling in like furious clouds on a beautiful sunny day, I take a shower when I can. I will literally sit in my bathtub and take deep, relaxing breaths while soaking in hot water. I'll also have relaxing music playing. Be it sad or positive. It may help you with your anxiety.
Pamper Yourself!
Haven't done your nails in awhile? Cut or dyed your hair? Don't you think it's time to? Spoil yourself while your boo is out working hard or having a well deserved outing with their girls/guys! I haven't done mine in quite some time matter of fact... Need to....
NETFLIX When ALL else fails, there is Netflix. I cannot tell you how many times Netflix has been my hero. From watching an entire season in one day of American Horror Story or Doctor Who! You'll be caught up in so many feels and emotional attachments with fictional characters, that you'll be able to temporarily escape from your own woes for awhile depending on what you are watching. Plus if you are behind on a show that your babe is caught up on, that's the perfect chance for you to!
Clean Okay so I should really practice what I preach... But it helps keep you busy does it not? Don't judge me...You're the one reading this remember!!
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Yes, I am trying to kick you out of your own home. Get out and buy a new comic. Go see your grandmother you haven't seen in awhile that would enjoy catching up with you. Take your little brother or sister out to the park! Go try that new restaurant you've been hearing so many good things about! Whether it's by yourself or with a friend, it's always nice to get a breath of fresh air every now and again. Plus it gives you something new to talk about when you and your love get time to sit down and talk! :)
Get A Pet To Love On Within the past month I have adopted three gerbils and a rat from a church friend. Keeping up with them along with my little monsters (that don't have tails), keep me incredibly busy! But loved so much. I get to snuggle up to my babies, and my adorable little critters! Although my rat is far from tiny let me tell you...
So that's all I've got for right now. Ten tips that usually help me. Of course there are more and if you feel like suggesting other ideas that I may not have come up with, feel free to in the comments or in my inbox for my Tumblr followers! Hope these help a few of you and I'll write something new later!
So many of you are wondering why I divorced my past LDR partner, but I do ask for more time on that.
It's not that it is painful to think about or anything along those lines, but the idea of typing up a whole book or essay on my past just sounds incredibly exhausting. lol
I'm too cyber lazy to go into my half of the story.
But anywho, to those wondering how the heck I moved on, that is what this post will be about.
In the future I will be writing about personal experiences, my adventure this summer when my boyfriend came to visit me for two whole weeks and when I went to visit his family and friends for a week. Also on ways to cope with the distance, raging hormones and those hard times saying goodbye. One thing I will look out for is people that have questions. If I don't write something, I'll TRY to make a video response! (Gonna start getting back to that...)
Just feels a tad bit embarrassing honestly since my last LDR relationship was just a mess and that, "beautiful," video I created to inspire so many people just went wasted. I feel like I failed a lot of people at times. I also want to let it be known that I am by ANY means far from perfect. And I think that this post will prove just that. I just ask that you don't judge me and keep an open mind and an even more open heart.
Okay so I'm rambling on now SOOOO let me pick this up.
I met my boyfriend honestly by chance. And I actually have the screenshots of the conversation. (Took some serious digging.) But I'm saving those for if I decide to make a video of our summer together.
Anywho.
My ex husband and I were fighting horribly the beginning of the year. To the point where there were actual physical altercations. I never felt like my life was in jeopardy, but I was tired of feeling miserable.
We would fight about the two years he had been a catfish to me, and never once told me the truth until I finally cracked and caught him in all of his lies. Or how he had cheated on me while he WAS a catfish. Or how he made me spend so much money on him during those two years. Or how he didn't have a job the entire two years that we were working, only me. Or how he wouldn't really clean the house but only pick things up and around. Or how he still cheated on me when we got married. Or how he was a mama's boy and always ran to his mother when we got into arguments....You get the point.
Oh the irony of finding this picture...
I was depressed and I felt alone. I had completely withdrawn from him to the point where I used my computer as my outlet again. I was looking for friends both male and female on sites, to hang out with nearby. (I had actually made a few) But by doing this, my ex thought I was cheating on him. Every time that he would try to look at my conversations with people, I would hide them. Not delete them or anything, but I hate when anyone hovers over me when I am writing, drawing or talking to another person on any sort of device. I'm strange like that for some reason. No clue as to why. So honestly as I look back now while typing this, I can see why he to an extent, thought I was cheating on him.
The thing was though, I wasn't! He accused me so much to the point that when I'd leave for work and come back, he'd want to see my work schedule to see if I had been telling the truth. It was ridiculous. I offered him to look at my phone, facebook, tumblr, getglue, etc. Whatever accounts I had be it old or current, I had opened up and put in his face. I told him, "Look, this is everything. I have nothing to hide. Now since you told me this earlier to be fair (he had a password on his phone) may I see your phone and facebook?"
As soon as I would ask that question, that's when a part of me knew something was wrong. He would hush about accusing me temporarily. And he wouldn't offer his phone to me whatsoever. It got to the point where we got into fights over it.
We got into so many fights afterwards that one day I did something that I truly should not have... I deliberately cheated on him. I didn't do it because I felt lonely or because I was secretly in love with this individual that I knew for years. I did it out of COMPLETE spite.
Spite? You may wonder. Spite because in all of the four months that we decided to give our marriage another try, he had punched me while drunk and shoved me. He verbally ridiculed me every day. Calling me a slut and whore and other demeaning things because he thought that I was constantly cheating. I knew I wasn't any of those things. But if he called me them so much, did it really matter if I didn't do them anymore? (That's what I was at least thinking at the time)
I was constantly accused of being all of these demeaning names all of the time, at that point it made no difference if I was honest or completely faithful at that point. It was truly sad and wrong for me to do, but at that point I really didn't care. And I knew deep down that I'd never, EVER be in love with him ever again.
It didn't take even twenty-four hours of us arguing once more for me to just flat out spit it out to him in the middle of an argument. What surprises me to this day is that he cried. And what surprised me was that I laughed at him hysterically because I couldn't for the life of me understand why he was hurt. Why? Because deep down I knew that it was HIM who was doing the cheating.
Not long after that situation happened, we had decided for him to go home and separate once more. But I wanted a divorce if he were to do so. He wanted to see what would happen if we were apart for awhile again. But we had already done that. And we both knew that things would only get much worse.
Well for those last two weeks that we lived together, we actually got along pretty fine. It was almost like we had gotten our old friendship back. And I to this day...cannot express how much that I miss him as my friend.
....But that was ruined when I finally saw his phone with all of the texts he had sent his ex from the time he and I decided to try our marriage again. The entire time (before I deliberately cheated on him four months later) he had been cheating on me by talking to his ex girlfriend that he still had feelings for. It hurt me bad. So when he left, I felt completely worthless. The day that he had left, I was somewhat okay.
We gave each other a hug because we were both sad to see us end, but we knew it was for the best. Especially if we wanted any chance of us ever being friends again. I had went to comic-con not even ten minutes after he had left, but once I had finally gotten home and realized after my children went to bed that I didn't have anyone to talk to before going to bed at night... I didn't feel so well.
I cannot recall if I cried or not. I don't think that I did honestly. Either way, I ended up sulking for about 24 hours when I decided that enough was enough and it was time to stop feeling anywhere near sorry for myself. So I went on an app called hot or not and talked to a few people I had became friends with.
One of those guys I ended up sharing a few interests with, and we continued to talk for awhile over the phone. His name was Paul. He was pretty cute and kind. Eventually we decided to hang out a few times. We acted a lot like a couple eventually without the title, and although I didn't truly care what we were for that matter as long as we were friends, it did begin to bother me on if this would last or not.
Eventually he became very occupied with work and our contact became very limited for a few weeks. I followed my close friends advice about not just talking to one person, but maybe going on dates with others.
Well I had been a member of an interracial page on facebook for quite some time because my ex and I happened to be one. I had always enjoyed seeing other people's stories and children on the page. It wasn't until I had a few good discussions with eventual friends that I realized that the group page was also used for dating. But I didn't really care, I had only used it for socializing and making new friends from around the world.
Eventually I came across a discussion on if anyone was looking for love on the group page, and if you really did end up finding someone on there, would you guys take on a long distance relationship? A lot of people said no. I said that I wasn't looking for love and only friends, but if something developed from a friendship to something more on here, I'd be happy. And that distance wouldn't really be an issue because it wouldn't be my first rodeo blah blah blah etc. There happened to be another guy in the post who said he had deliberately joined the group to look for a potential girlfriend and hopefully something more. Who's name was ironically, Paul as well. And although he'd never been in a long distance relationship, he would most definitely be in one if it was someone he thought he was meant to be with.
He and I saw a eye to eye on a lot of things regarding how to tolerate the distance and moving back and forth and whatnot. It got to the point that we were conversing so much that we kind of took over the post. lol
But eventually he decided to inbox me and we became instant friends. Eventually I asked him if he'd like to webcam chat with me and a few others that we knew online, and although he was shy, he accepted!
There was another guy that I didn't realize was somewhat interested in me and I got along with through our shared love and passion for Doctor Who! ...But then Paul joined our conversation and it was pretty clear that Paul had an interest in me as well. We chatted on and on until we all got tired, and that's when I finally asked him or he asked me if we wanted to exchange numbers so we could talk more often. So later that night we did! We ended up talking from like 11 pm at night into I want to say maybe 8 in the morning. I just really enjoyed talking to him, and he was very interested in me. And I honestly was interested in him! But I did tell him about the other Paul, and that I still had feelings for him even though I had no idea what was going on with all of that situation at the time.
I also tried my best to not lead him on. But the more time I kept from talking to the other Paul from my state that was too busy to speak to me all of the time, the more I grew to like the Paul all the way out in Alabama. I knew it bothered my future boyfriend that he wasn't immediately on my mind to date, but he never let me push him away. He asked me to give him the chance of possibly being with me. Even if I went on dates with the other Paul. Until Missouri Paul and I were to put a label on us, he wanted to fight for his chance to possibly be with me.
I was a bit baffled as to why a guy would want to stick around with all of my slightly dramatic and indecisive nonsense, so I had to ask him on why he was so persistent when he didn't even know if we'd truly have a future together. (To be honest I felt the same way about him, but I was trying to use my brain) He told me he couldn't explain it, but he just knew. He knew from the moment that he had seen my profile picture that I was the one meant for him. Of course it sounded crazy, but not exactly to me. I don't know why to this day it doesn't, but I'm so glad for it. Well eventually I sat down and had a friendly talk with the Paul that lived in my state, and he said that he wasn't exactly ready or comfortable with putting a label on us. I accepted that happily and ran into my current Paul's cyber arms.
(Which I don't even know why I waited for that answer really, I think it was for the mere fact that I had sworn I would no longer get into another LDR after my ex husband)
From that point on he made time for me and I made time for him. We would talk on the phone as often as we possibly could. Include our friends and family on three-way calls with each other and skype or tango as much as possible. Eventually we both arranged tickets to see each other during the summer and the rest as you know it is history. We have been truly happy since.
From that point on he made time for me and I made time for him. We would talk on the phone as often as we possibly could. Include our friends and family on three-way calls with each other and skype or tango as much as possible. Eventually we both arranged tickets to see each other during the summer and the rest as you know it is history. We have been truly happy since.
There have of course been fights and squabbles, but nowhere near on the same level as I had with my ex husband. A lot of people said he deserved the cruel things that I did to him after all of the hurt he's caused me over the years. I can see their point to an extent but...I don't like to think of it that way. I wish that once I had found out the truth of him catfishing me, I wish I would have still forgiven him for it yes...BUT ended the relationship from that point on.
And remained friends. Goodness knows there would still have been a chance for Bryan and I to have been friends if we hadn't been childish and beyond reason. We had went about getting married the wrong way. But you know what they say.
"You live and you learn."
So yeah, that's the I guess gist of what happened between my ex and I, and what has led to me and my boyfriend being together.
My next post will be not so personal and far more positive. But I guess I wanted to show that I was imperfect, and so was my marriage. To be a bit more realistic that not all long distance relationships are fairy tales. To prove that it's a big deal to just randomly meet someone online and marry them the EXACT same day that you meet them for the first time!
I mean sure it may have actually worked out with the wonderful man I'm with NOW because I've actually taken the time to find out that he is who he says he is, and I know him on a far more personal level and his flaws and peeves. I didn't get to do that with my ex or him me, because we didn't get to truly learn about each other. So before someone else sees my LDR wedding story with Bryan and thinks, "AWW OMG That's so cute!" And thinks about doing the same thing? ...REALLY sit down and think about the consequences. That's all I ask of you!!
For those of you who haven't seen my Youtube Wedding story, here it is. I'll be making a more up to date video with my boyfriend and our adventures this summer together as well as tips for helping to make the distance a bit more bearable. Tata for now!
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